The problem here is that we put the girl in the “girlfriend bucket” and everyone else in the “friend bucket”. To get more relaxed with girls, we need to start putting them in the “friend bucket” too. Try this: Make a conscious decision to smile, talk, and interact with girls in the same way you would with a stranger. Don’t try to be funny, smart, or attractive. Does this mean that you can’t have flirty interaction with a girl you’re attracted to? No, this isn’t what this is about. This is about not trying to do everything differently just because you’re attracted to someone. Trying too much is a surefire way to mess up.
Here are 6 signs that you’re being weird when talking to girls: Being too nice,Being too polite,Being too cocky,Being cold,Trying to be smart,Trying to be confident. Just treat the girl like everyone else and be friendly. Down the road, when you know there’s a chemistry between you, you can start considering that girl as a potential girlfriend. 4. How to tell if a girl likes you
Here are some of the more common signs I’ve seen that tells if she’s got a crush on you. She’s laughing at your jokes even if they’re bad, She added you on social media and likes your posts (Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram),She told her friends and family about you,She’s teasing you in a playful or flirty manner,She’s holding eye contact with you for a longer time than normal,She touches you when you talk, She seems extra shy when you hang out with her, She gives you more attention than others, Click here to read all 42 signs to tell if a girl likes you.
5. The mistake of trying to prove that you’re worthy of her
Most guys make the mistake of trying to qualify themselves to the girl. They’re thinking: “What should I say to make her like me?”
It’s an unattractive mindset because it puts her on a pedestal. All the cool things about you become repulsive if you use them to “prove you’re worthy”.
Article continues below.Take this quiz and get a custom report based on your unique personality and goals. Start improving your confidence, your conversation skills, or your ability to bond – in less than an hour. What I like to do is to turn this around by assuming that I am worthy by default.
Then I can focus on finding out if she’s worthy of my standards. You do this by simply making normal back-and-forth conversation. But your underlying purpose in the conversation is to figure out if YOU like her. When you focus on this, you will also feel more confident talking to her.
Don’t make “winning” your goal
If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment in the relationship reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as well. Be respectful of the other person and their viewpoint.
Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to maintain and strengthen the relationship.
Make sure you are fighting fair. Keep the focus on the issue at hand and respect the other person. Don’t start arguments over things that cannot be changed.
Don’t attack someone directly but use “I” statements to communicate how you feel. For example, instead of saying, “You make me feel bad” try “I feel bad when you do that”.
Don’t drag old arguments into the mix. Rather than looking to past conflicts or grudges and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.
Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive others.
If tempers flare, take a break. Take a few minutes to relieve stress and calm down before you say or do something you’ll regret. Always remember that you’re arguing with the person you love.
Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Tip 5: Be prepared for ups and downs
It’s important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children.
Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstandings can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.
[Read: Surviving Tough Times by Building Resilience]
Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even feel safer to snap at them. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other healthier ways to manage your stress, anger, and frustration.
Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person works through problems and issues in their own way. Remember that you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots.
Look back to the early stages of your relationship. Share the moments that brought the two of you together, examine the point at which you began to drift apart, and resolve how you can work together to rekindle that falling in love experience.
Be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times and the bad.
If you need outside help for your relationship, reach out together. Sometimes problems in a relationship can seem too complex or overwhelming for you to handle as a couple. Couples therapy or talking together with a trusted friend or religious figure can help.
Authors: Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.